We have all been there. One moment you and your girlfriend and wife was happily talking to each other about what happened today. The next moment, your phone rings with a text from your female colleague. Its not a typical text about work but rather a text with one of those heart shape emoticons. When she sees it, the wonderful conversation is gone and you can feel that she is angry or has emotionally switched off. While you remain befuddled about the sudden change of events, you know in your gut that something is wrong.
So what went wrong? Your girlfriend or wife is probably jealous that there is someone out there texting you sweet emojis. While this may seem like a small thing to you and thus seem like an over reaction, it is important to nip such doubt in its bud before it gets out of control.
Jealousy, perceived or otherwise, needs to be handled with care
Jealousy is a cause of concern as Jealousy is a feeling that can grow and weaken an otherwise healthy relationship. Hear it from Shakespeare in his Classic Novel: Othello.
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger.
In the story, Iago who used to be played by Ian Mckellen (Guys… Xmen Magneto) was unhappy at being passed for a promotion and thus used his scheming mind to sow seeds of doubt and jealousy in the mind of Othello, the venetian general who eventually succumbed to it and destroyed his own wedding and true love.
The psychology of jealousy
Jealousy is a complex emotional state which stems from perceived threat to her relationship with you by an external party. While it may be legitimate if the guy has done wrong in the past, persistent jealousy may be a sign of insecurity, general feelings of inadequacy or a general anxious attachment style where her chronic disposition is the belief that you will leave her. Getting to the root of jealousy is a different blog post for another time but what we need to do now is to find ways to deal with unwarranted jealousy.
While we feel you need to respond if she is jealous, we do not think that her jealousy is about you. Rather than responding to her, we would rather you respond to how the jealous emotion has affected your relationship
Which brings us to the following point:
Your response to jealousy should be less about blame but rather a gentle reminder of th e love that you and her share.
Sending Flowers to reduce her anxiety
There are many guys who tried to send flowers when their ladies are jealous, but were unsuccessful at improving the situation. At which point, the guys feel as if they have thrown good money into the drain.
Its all about your intent
Guys need to realize that instead of sending bouquets as a way to placate her, the bouquet should be simply just a reminder of the love that you two share. By not focusing or responding to the particular incident that led to feelings of jealousy, you stop activating the negative emotions that she has within her. By getting her to focus more on what you guys have built over the years, it will be way easier to make her see that it was just a misunderstanding.
Unless she is allergic to flowers, Send her a nice bouquet
With the right intent in mind, there are a few details you need to sort out before sending anything to her. you need to first figure out if she is allergic to flowers. When we are trying to soothe her anger, its best to know if she is allergic. If she is, sending her flowers will only add fire to the flame. Quite literally.
Now that we have set that aside, There are still a few questions that may potentially bother guys in general.
1. What type of bouquet should i buy
2. What is a good time to send the bouquet
3. Do I have to say anything after she receive the bouquet?
Tip 1: Buy a neutral hue pastel Bouquet
If you have no idea what type of bouquet to buy, we will recommend a neutral hue pastell bouquet. The reason is because studies have shown that 90% of snap decisions are made via colors alone and a neutral hue pastel bouquet with its white hue and balanced color will do much better at calming her down than if you send a red hot rose bouquet. While all that is pretty scientific, we often feel that pastel floral arrangements are easier on the eye and have a calming yet uplifting effect when placed in the vicinity.
Tip 2: Collect the bouquet yourself
Many guys make the mistake of thinking that if they were to send their loved ones a bouquet before meeting them, it will make their evening easier as their girlfriends/wife will tend to be more forgiving. That, based on our experience, never quite seem to work.
It is probably better to just collect the bouquet from our floral shop and give it to her as a surprise when you meet her. We think this reduces the possibility of her thinking that you may be trying to make up for it, potentially causing further misunderstanding. Instead, collect the bouquet from us and in your usual confident self, surprise her with this act of love. Your attention to detail and our beautiful bouquet will do much in reminding her that she is still the one that you care about most.
Tip 3: Keep it short and sweet
Normally guys after sending their bouquets will twiddle with their smartphones wondering if they should send a text and if they should, what they should send. This behavior gets every more complex with technology. Previously it was just about paging your girlfriend, a message that most certainly will not get replies. Then, it became an sms where guys send out an sms and just sit there waiting hopefully for that one reply. The advent of whatsapp with the online and blue tick feature now have guys on their toes as they wonder why their girlfriends were online, blue ticked them, was seen typing but never replied their message!
Our simple solution to this is to keep in mind that you are sending this bouquet to her out of care and attentiveness and not because you are apologetic. Hence, a simple ‘hope you like it’ will often suffice.