We have all been there. We just purchased a beautiful bouquet from a floral shop. As we are paying for it, the floral designer collected the cash but also gave a small card for us to write something on it. At that point, many of us can feel the
“A writer is not so much someone who has something to say as he is someone who has
found a process that will bring about new things he would not have thought of if he had not started to say them.” —William Stafford, A Way of Writing,
Writing a heartfelt note need not be difficult.
Please do not write a simple message you copied from the net
As we did a little research online on the topic, we realised that most flower shops have come up with a list of one liners such as “Affection is my captain’ and ‘Absence diminishes little passion’. These are not recommended as they may pass off as cheap pickup lines that have no real emotional content. Further, if your girlfriend or wife knows who you truly are deep inside, she will definitely know that could never have come from you. In those situations, it is actually better not to write any note than to write a cheesy one.
Which brings us to the following point:
If you want to write, you have to write something that is of meaning to you.
The Psychology of Letters
With the advent of technology, we have lost touch with the art of letter writing. However, it is still a very powerful tool,and is much more effective than an sms or whatsapp message. Studies have shown that people delve deeper into their own feelings and thoughts when they are writing a handwritten message. This is because writing a handwritten note forces you to slow down. This helps to engage the brain to a larger extent. As a result, writing a letter has an effect on both the writer and the receiver.
There are two types of writing: Expressive and Transactional. Whichever type you use, you have to come across as sincere! This means that you have to practice the power of vulnerability.
The power of vulnerability
Guys in Singapore seem to have a tough time grasping the power of vulnerability. They seem to think that vulnerability is weakness and that it should be avoided. However, an interesting study by Brene Brown has proven something that we probably should have known long ago. According to her, humans all crave connection but in order to have connection, you need to first be seen. This is where vulnerability comes in as one needs to be vulnerable in order to be seen. It is foolhardy to want connection when we refuse to take down our ego, our mask and our multiple layers of psychological protection.
Flower Delivery: The compassionate letter
If she is going through a difficult time, you can write about how you personally felt when you first heard that she is going through such a rough time. You may also write about how you would have felt if you are in their shoes. IF you know someone dear who had been through a similar situation, you can with permission share some of those details too.
The key when sending a compassionate letter is to let her know through your willingness to share that she is not alone and you are with her throughout the peak and troughs of her life journey.
The gratitude letter
Guys, you can also write a letter to show your appreciation for your lady. It may be about something she has done specially for you such as giving you some emotional advice or it may be for the small things that she has done for you. Imagine how she will feel when she reads that you have seen all her effort and is appreciative of it. Most importantly, you need to go one step further than just telling her what she has done. Instead, talk about how it made you feel and how that feeling was unique and treasured. You may also want to elaborate on how she has enriched your life through her presence in your life. Few guys actually think about such emotional subjects until they lost their girl and feel the pangs of lost in their heart. By being able to vocalize the depths of your emotional gratitude you also set yourself apart from the other guys in her life.
The forgiveness letter
We mentioned previously that if you are asking for forgiveness you should not keep saying sorry to your girl and should not send her a bouquet with an apologetic message. However, there is an exception to that rule. You can write her a letter to ask for forgiveness if your main aim in the letter is to tell her what you feel instead of trying to win her forgiveness. Before writing, think about how much emotional pain you have caused her and feel how that makes you feel. Pen down your emotions and thoughts that come with with. IF you feel yourself choking up or feel that you can’t write this because it diminishes her impression of you as a guy, write it down anyway. Remember vulnerability is key!
A word of warning
To all guys out there, we wish to let you know that vulnerability is not the same as approval seeking. If you show her your emotions in hopes that she can fix them for you, that will be seen as very weak and unattractive.
The difference between a strong yet vulnerable men and a emotional wreck ball is that the former is in control and made a deliberate choice to share his own inner feelings simply because he is being genuine, whereas the latter is out of control and is just hoping for the girl to say something so that he feels better.
Once you get that distinction, you will not come across as being an emotional doormat even if you share your deepest thoughts and feelings in your letter to her.